Conceptual Filters

Conceptual filters bother me. It bothers me when people view the world and the issues therein always from one ideological dogma. I am not saying that I am against having a common set of principles and beliefs, I definitely have them as a Baha'i. I just think that it is very important to understand things in a different way, with different assumptions, using a different balance of objective and subjective tools.

For example, it bothers me that their is a stark intellectual gulf between 'left' and 'right' thinking. I come from a background that would be considered very 'progressive', 'left', 'liberal', etc. Growing up, I always tackled information and ideas with a pre-established opinion, effectively filtering out any ideas that did not conform with that opinion. ideas coming from Michael Moore or Amy Goodmen types were considered almost scripture.

Then something happened and I started questioning some assumptions. I started looking deeper into ideas, gathering information from many different sources, and realizing that my whole view of the world was full of holes. I started reading between the lines and noticing that various ideological mediums that I held dear always left out certain facts in order to create a consistent narrative. It was kind of scary; I had always felt rather secure in the narrative of my beliefs.

I am a firm believer in the independent investigation of truth. It is a nice belief, because it means that I can question it, and hopefully not be a hypocrite. I don't just mean a lazy investigation of truth, but a vigorous one that temporarily sets aside any implicit biases and cultural perspectives that we have been raised with. One that draws us outside of ourselves, using many sources of information and perspective.

I am at the point now that I feel I don't need to maintain a consistent conceptual fabric of reality to be able to affect change. New information does not need to be put into a pre-set equation of understanding in my mind. I feel now that if I continue to expand and deepen my knowledge and spirit, any new situation and idea can be dealt with on its own terms, with perception based upon experience and reflection, but not ideology.

Reflections on Marriage

Sjona and I are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. As much as anything, it is a good time for us to reflect on how we have grown as a couple, and how we can still grow.

It is easy I think, in a marriage, to take the other person for granted, to become too comfortable with their acceptance and fall into the less inspired side of ourselves. It is too easy to be mean and hurtful with each other and not even realize it. It takes vigilance to always be thoughtful of the other person and continually regenerate loving feelings and gestures. No matter how much you think you know the other person and their capacity, it is important to always rediscover them and not limit them to what you think you know from the past; because both people are always growing.

Sjona continually surprises me. The more I know about her the harder she is too predict (in a good way). I am grateful that I have been given the chance to grow and develop with a beautiful soul in mutual love and respect.

Movie Review

Movie: The Last King of Scotland
Rating: 8/10

This movie is a character study of the Uganda dictator Idi Amin Dada, who's regime is estimated to have killed up to 300,000 Ugandan's during the 1970's. He is played by Forest Whitaker, who won the Acadamy Award for best actor for this role. His character is developed from the point of view of a young Scotish doctor, who is out for adventure and making a difference. He is lured in by Amin's charm and compelling personality, as well as a desire to assist the "new independent africa" (he would only find out later that the British facilitated the coup that put Amin in power) to become his personal doctor.

Not to give too much away...This movie is really interesting. Amin is a horribly complex character, one that was often highly likable, scary, powerfull, and vulnerable, all at once. Just like the doctor, the audience is unaware, or unwilling to admit, Amin's atrocities. We sympathise with Amin as a fatherly figure, both stern and incredibly loving. We resist the truth, and then it is too late, there is nowhere to go, we are trapped, unable to leave withought horrific damage to our psyche and body. I am glad I was only watching this movie, there are some scenes that are horrific. Yet it is not violent in the traditional sense with masses of people being mowed down in a genocide(ie Blood Diamonds).

Old Writings

Looking back at old photographs led me back into some old writings as well. This first one took me back a ways, back to high-school in Taos, back to my experimental, searching, intense days

Nov. 9 1999

Run Like Hell!
Running through the lights and feeling periodic flashes of human emotion. I ingest an acid that changes the wellness of my being. I laugh, relax, crawl through tunnels made by quick orgasmic achievements that feel ones body as a serpent. It then controls you, and leads you around like a puppet in search for a cause that is instilled into you. A cause that they want you to achieve, thus adding to their game to destroy you. As these thoughts pass through my head, I yearn to speak but my speech is slurred, and I see my sanity, I am taken into a snake pit and slithered around like a rag doll. My thoughts are eaten by hypnopaedic phrases that give warm sensations of security, as my eyes see blood I see a beautiful creature, my last chance for a life of eternity. Another chance of a sanity that can be achieved by draining myself of earthly desires, going to the mountains, feeling the ground and becoming a potential that is everything.

Sept. 13 2000

I see all of you through a limited vision, through a veil clouded with the dust of myself. My love is improving though-there have been times when I see every ray of light and I transcend relationship politic and become your ray of light. We are thrown in a mountainous sky to enjoy the vast deep blue mountains. Every current relativity is trivial and a drunken giggle comes out through an eternal euphoric smile. I love you, all of you, my tears stream down as each drop reflects your beautiful eyes.

The Problem with Photographs

It is always interesting to look at old photographs of two years back, four years back, six years back. Kids are tinier, some people look the same, some people look surprisingly different. It is always easy to think; "Those were the days, now everything is different, now I'm old...".

The problem with photographs is that they most often don't reflect reality. Everybody always looks happy in photographs. We smile to project this ideal of happiness to a later date, it is our attempt at immortality. Often, we are really hurting inside, and yet we look happy, disturbed, yet we look blissful. These photos are an example. This was during my second year of college, I had just broken up with my first love over matters of Faith. I faced other almost debilitating mental and emotional challenges, some which directly related, some which seemed to be unrelated and come out of nowhere. I wanted so badly to be happy...and spiritually free, as in the Prayer:

...Assist him so that he may fly towards the apex of prosperity and salvation, wing his way with the utmost joy and happiness throughout the illuminable space, raise his melody in Thy supreme name in all the regions...

The more I wanted it, the more trapped I felt. I got to the point where I seriously felt that I was crazy, that I could no longer continue to function within society.

That is why it is interesting for me to look back at old pictures. Because I look so happy and I think; "Wow, those were good times, Things now seem pale in comparison." Then I realize that that was one of the worst years of my life, since then I have grown so much and have realized stability and progress in my spiritual journey. I have overcome so much.

Calm in the Storm

There are those days when I feel productive, there are those that are more stale and meaningless, there are also those that are filled with intense emotion, an unquenchable desire to extract meaning out of every atom, every pedal. There are those days where I feel a victom to my ego, both haughty and insecure. There are those days which are wrapt in prayer, serene, loving, sacraficing. There are those days which I feel so busy that I start feeling and thinking like a robot. Analytical, judging, separating, evaluating, producing....

Today is an interesting day. I am in the midst of finals, also in the midst of helping to launch an intensive program of growth, I constantly feel overwhelmed and busy. I am in a productive mode, yet I also feel incredibly sensitive to every emotion, especially those of awe, love, and tears. The objective flurry is becoming a captive of my subjective dreamscape, corny as it sounds...it is exciting. Walls are breaking down, probably to be rebuild at a later date, but maybe not. Assumptions are loosing there secure footing, I want to see everything in the now, as it really is. I am tired of proper perspective, I am tired of conceptual models, I am tired...and yet overjoyed...and exhausted.

Movie Review

Movie: Pan's Labyrinth
Director: Guillermo Del Toro
Rating 10/10

Simply put, this was one of the best movies I have seen for a long time. If you are familiar with other movies by this director (ex The Devils Backbone) , you will know that he likes to blend reality with supernatural portraits of the subconscious/archetypal/mystical elements of humanity.

It is hard to explain why this movie is so good. The setting is Spain in 1944 during the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. The outer plot consists of a war between some communist rebels and the troop of Captain Vidal, but serves only as a backdrop to the secret and magical world that is experienced by Ofelia, the stepdaughter of the Captain. This world compels her on a spiritual journey that must also protect her from the outer world.

I won't give too much away. Be warned, this is not a kids movie. There are scenes that are some of the most brutal and shocking that I have ever seen. The fantastical part of the movie serves to remind adults of the myths and fairytales that haunt and inform us underneath the surface of our lives.

Pictures

So I really just wanted to post some pictures. In other news ABQ is now an A Cluster. In Baha'i parlance that is EXCITING!!!!!!

Jemez RiverUndeveloped Hot Spring
Dinner!!!?
Jalal Studying his physics
My class on a field trip

Outside of our house
Sjonita with her flowers
Towards ABQ from our house

Getting lost in code

So this semester I decided to take two different programming classes in two different languages, one in Java and one in VBA for ArcObjects. While I enjoy programming when I can get something to work, it sure can be a frustrating and outright horrible, uncompromising process. Below is a method in the Java language that I just finally got to work (after hours of pain!!!). It rotates any string ( group of characters) represented by msg by the offset amount entered by the user and captured in the first line. The hard part was that the offset could be positive or negative and also much longer than the string itself, in which case it has to wrap around and start again.

public static String strRotateRight ( String msg, int offset ) {
String rightRotate = "";
if ( msg == null)
return rightRotate;
if (msg.length() ==0)
return msg;

if (offset>0){
int newOffset = (offset - (offset/msg.length()*msg.length()));
for (int i = (msg.length()-newOffset); i
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}
for (int i = 0; i < (msg.length()-newOffset); i++){
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}

}else if (offset<0){
int newOffset = (offset/msg.length()*msg.length())-offset;
for (int i = newOffset; i
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}
for (int i = 0; i < newOffset; i++){
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);

}
}else{ rightRotate=msg;

}

return rightRotate;
}

Happy Birthday Love of My Life!!!!!!

Today is March 19. My wonderful, beautiful wife is now 24 years young. She is the most wonderful person to ever come into my life. I don't deserve somebody at her level. She is the one of the most passionate people I have ever met. She is also one of the most moral, just, and spirited people I have known. I hope anybody reading this has the opportunity to get to know such a wonderful gem in this world.

I love you Sjona!! Thank you for lighting up my life. Happy Birthday!!

Heaven is a ski resort

yep.

Nothing like skiing on one of the best Mountains in the country to take the stress away.

I love Moguls!

Sjona has gotten SOOOO much better this year!!!

My embarrasing fall vid

Stressed!

That pretty much sums up my last few weeks. I have felt like I have a million things to do, and the more I do, the more there is to do. If I am doing something I feel like I should be doing something else also. Thus is the grad school/working part time/active in Baha'i community life. It is so hard to schedule while in school. Hours are so irregular, I long for the days that I can just go to work for 8-9 hours and be done with it.

Nevertheless, I can't complain. I generally like my classes, my job, and I absolutely love my wife. I am working in a Baha'i community that has the potential to help transform the world...

Still though, the stress, I always feel exhausted. Everything I do is to meet some deadline, haven't had much time for the bigger picture, or to stop and really experience the joys in life. I am hoping this fasting season will clear up my mind and give me new energy. I definitely need it.


It snowed a lot a while ago.

No comment
Cooking my wife a steak dinner for Valentines Day

Urban Sprawl

Urban Sprawl:

The unplanned, uncontrolled spreading of urban development into areas adjoining the edge of a city.

Urban Sprawl is typified by low density suburban development. In most areas around the globe, urban areas are growing at a rate faster than population growth. This causes numerous environmental problems (not to mention social and health related). These including agricultural destruction, water pollution and flooding, air pollution, soil degradation, decrease of biodiversity and wildlife, and much more. Below are some pictures urban growth around the world. Pictures are worth a thousand words.



Interesting Comparison of the Mexico/Guatemala political boundry: 1974-2000



Sydney, Australia: 1975-2002



Las Vegas, Nevada: 1973-2000



Beijing, China: 1978-2000


Mexico City, Mexico: 1973-2000

Reflections in a Continuum

This winter break was very positive. It involved travelling to see family, skiing our hearts out, facilitating a jr youth animator training, and hanging out with old friends. On the fourth point, Brenden, One of my best friends from Boston came down for a week. It was like old times; staying up all night three nights in a row, living in a commune type atmosphere where everybody is always hanging around with everybody. It is always nice be around somebody that you feel that you have a joint evolutionary understanding with....

On the first point, Sjona's grandmother is so cute and old!!! She is living in Grass Valley, which is somewhere in between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe. She is starting to forget things, but nevertheless, still very insightful about life's intricacies. I also got to hang out with Sjona's uncle, Ander's. He is incredibly good hearted and interesting. One of those fellows who built his own house, builds all the machines he uses in his work of geotechnical engineering, and generally knows a million things about a million things.

I have high hopes for the future of the ABQ Baha'i community. I hope that through the help of this jr youth animator training, we can be a community that really supports and nurtures the jr youth. This training is great because it really focuses on the developmental needs of this age group, which include self expression, self identity, sense of newly found conceptual independence...and then seeks to ground all these things in a spiritual foundation.

I might be getting a second job at a company called Ecosystem Management doing some GIS work. It would be part time, mostly on the weekends and some nights. I interviewed yesterday and am still awaiting the reply. While the GIS work I would be doing would be fairly basic, the experience working in cultural and ecological resource development environment would be well worth it.

My thesis is getting a great boost. My client thus far has been the Bernalillo County GIS department. Now the County planning department is interested in getting involved and even more exiting, A one of my professors is also getting very excited about it and has committed to supporting me the whole way through. We had a meeting yesterday, and he was coming up with ideas that I hadn't even thought of. He mentioned that while it was an ambitious project for a thesis, that WE could do it. I find it wonderful that he thinks of it as his project also. At some point on this blog I will go into detail as to what I am doing when things get a bit more crystallized.

Finals almost over

Almost done. I just have one more final next wednesday in Digital Image Processing and that's it. It will be a killer but also enjoyable because it is directly related to my upcoming thesis work. I just finished my final project in SAS programming. While challenging (I spent about 25 hours fighting with it) it was very satisfying. I find that I really like programming in general and that I am fairly adept at it. The hardest part is learning the syntax. I find that If I had to do it all over again, my major would have probably been Computer Science and or statistics. The idea of data analysis and modeling fascinates me. In Geography we do a lot of spatial data analysis, which draws heavily upon these two disciplines.

While sick of school, I am already excited about next semester. I will be meeting with the GIS program manager for the County of Bernalillo, who will probably be a client for my thesis work that I will be starting next semester. The classes that I will surely take include Environmental Methods, Advanced GIS, Seminar in Physical Geography. Classes that I might take include E&PS: Statistics and Data analysis in Geology, Stat: Spatial and Space Time Analysis, Civil Eng: GIS for Water Rescource engineers, and E&PS: Aquifers and Reservoirs.

The break will definetely be fun. Sjona and I (and whoever else wants to come) will be going skiing as much as possible. Also, Brenden will be coming from Boston, and paintballing should be in the works.

Thanksgiving Break

So I haven't posted any pictures on here for a while, just boring, long winded essays. Thanksgiving break was a great opportunity for us to take pictures. First we went and had a wonderfull Thanksgiving dinner with the family of our friends, Steven and Neda. unfortunately we don't have any pictures of that. We then went up to Taos to ski our hearts away. The first day we spent haggling with a used ski dealer to buy us some nice skis, boots, and poles. After that we had Tai food with our friends Robert and Pania, and followed that with a sinful night of poker playing. The next to days were on the slopes. There were only a couple of runs open, but that was enouph to get our lips wet. All in all it was a very nice vacation, but good things come to an end and now it is endless finals.

Wannabe gamblers (chips only)
First day, starting at the bunny hill
Robert and Pania (so cute!!!)
Great view

A well deserved break
Goofy on the lift
Hangin' out
She bluffin'
Poker face