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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Camping and hiking with good friends

This weekend Sjona and I went camping with our friends, Stephen and Neda. While packed full of mishaps, the whole affair turned out to be incredibly fun.


Taking off, Sjo and Neda. While searching for a campsite in their minivan, we ran over a rock and puntured the gas tank, causing gas fumes to come out. While a little bit afraid of exploding, we were assured that it was not a big deal by some fellow campers, since there was no liquid involved.


How do you set up a tent? Sjo and I forgot to bring the poles for our tent, so we had to sleep with Neda and Stephen. It was funny too, the moment we started setting up the tent the wind picked up and the rain started. It definitely felt like a sign from God, or a freak random occurrence in a random meaningless universe. I choose the former. The air up there is thin!!!

4 people in a snug space is cause for celebrated silliness.



While there was another picture better capturing their smiles, I believe this one better captured their essence.

Oops, a little bit out of order. This the morning we left the campsite to head towards the hiking trail (previous picture). I succeeded in leaving my camera on top of the minivan, causing it to fall off as we drove away. When we drove back to get it, the van barely missed running it over.

Finally at the springs, the clothes come off and the modeling sets in. There has to be more to life than being really, really, good looking. I intend on finding out what that is. And by the way, its merMAN!
The two amiga's+0 auditioning for the sound of music the sequel.

And thats it. When we got back we were all so exhausted. Camping plus an 8 mile hike in the hot sun, and we all proved to be a little out of shape. Especially the men, the women were like little energizer bunnies.


For a more fair and balanced version of this trip, visit Stephen and Neda's blog http://talebreza-fischer.blogspot.com/2007/06/hiking-to-hot-springs.html

Friday, June 22, 2007

The Tent Rocks Tree (home to many creatures)

Sjona already has it in her blog, but I just had to have it in mine also. This is a tree whose roots have been exposed through years of erosion. It made a nice home for my jr youth group, Sjona, and Nelson, our ABM. This is right at the entrance of the tent rocks valley trail. It is such a pretty place and right in our backyard near Cochiti Dam.




Thursday, June 21, 2007

Tests

I often wish I wasn't so introverted. While I feel like I have a strong understanding of my emotions and spiritual self, I often have trouble communicating and expressing it to others. I don't know where it comes from. I have been experiencing this in various forms since I started college. Often I feel like my mind betrays me. I can be in a conversation with somebody, and then some kind of mental loop takes place. I start seeing the person I am conversing with and the conversation we are having through the eyes of what I project to be some other person's thoughts and feelings. It's like my mind roll plays, "ok, if I was this type of person, how would I feel about this situation, or what if I was this person?". I have to really struggle to stay locked in as the self that I know I am.

The effect of this odd looping in my mind is that I feel like I cannot respond to the person I am with; I am emotionally numb. My whole being really wants to connect with them but it feels impossible. The few people I have gotten really close to during this time were a result of me overcoming that, doing anything desperately to develop the friendship. For so many others, the relationship has stayed distant, awkward. I could not express my respect and love for them, so I kept it in my heart.

The reason that I am probably writing this blog post, and many others, is that I do want to connect with people in a profound way. I feel like writing my feelings is the only way I can, I don't feel blocked up when I am alone.

I also am trying to get to the source of my problem. It seems mainly a mental problem, though I suspect it stems from a deep emotional place I cannot access right now. In the beginning I was angry that this was happining. I had felt during my last year of high-school that I had a gift for reaching out, affecting and being affected by others. As this ailment arose and lingered, I finally got to the point where I gave up, stopped caring. First by becoming numb to it all, then through prayer I realized I had to be detached from what my previous concept of enlightenment had been. These days I have learned to live with it, manage it. It has become my reality. While I know that I have evolved and grown because of it, sometimes I wonder, sometimes I get frustrated.

All I can do is rely upon God, and peel away the layers leading to my true self.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Immigrants, refugees and minority populations

"O contending peoples and kindreds of the earth! Set your faces towards unity, and let the radiance of its light shine upon you. Gather ye together, and for the sake of God resolve to root out whatever is the source of contention amongst you. Then will the effulgence of the world's great Luminary envelop the whole earth, and its inhabitants become the citizens of one city, and the occupants of one and the same throne...There can be no doubt whatever that the peoples of the world, of whatever race or religion, derive their inspiration from one heavenly Source, and are subjects of one God. " -Baha'u'llah

During this past year, a passion has grown inside of me regarding the plight of immigrants, refugees, and minority populations. While this is an issue all over the world, my experience has tied me emotionally to the immigration debate in the U.S. A few nights ago I was watching the republican debate and the subject of immigration reform came up. One of the candidates was speaking on his belief that all illegal immigrants should be shipped back to Mexico, a giant Berlin type wall should be built along the border, and English should be the exclusive language because it is what ties a country together, establishes a common identity, blah blah blah. I am in the process of reading 'The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich', and so it was interesting hearing this man speak at this time. The implicit ideas of national and racial purity, common ancestry, common culture, and common history being a barrier to racial diversity curiously resembled some of the warped writings of Hitler including

"The state is a racial organism"; "Nature... puts living creatures on this globe and watches the free play of forces. She then confers the master's right on her favorite child, the strongest in courage and industry...The stronger must dominate and not blend with the weaker, thus sacrificing his own greatness..."

As a Baha'i, I understand that racial diversity is one of the most important assets that we have as humans. Having immigrants, minorities, and refugees among us represents a golden opportunity to love our neighbor, to expand and enrich our perceptions and cultural life, and by reaching out and integrating our efforts, hastening the inevitable realization of the unity of humankind and true human justice in the eyes of God. While I am sure this man claims he is a Christian, he is conveniently overlooking the injunction to love thy neighbor; probably because all the literal neighbors in his posh suburb look the same as him. The prejudice of immigrants in the U.S. has absolutely no justification no matter how you look at it.

From a biblical point of view:

Throughout the Bible, especially the New Testament, a common theme is the salvation of all human kind, thereby bringing all people into the spiritual body of Christ. Here are just a few examples.
"In the last days, the mountain of the house of the Lord will be established as the chief of mountains, and will be raised above the hills; and all the nations will stream to it..." Isaiah 2:2

"And not for the nation only, but that He might also gather together into one the children of God who are scattered abroad" John 11:52

"For through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think...For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another, and since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let each exercise them accordingly" Romans 12:3-6

From an economic point of view:

A common argument against Mexican immigrants is that they push down wages of American workers, especially among high school dropouts. The evidence for this argument is inconclusive, and, in fact, there is a growing body of evidence against it. According to the 2000 census, immigrants made up 28 percent of workers without a high school education and 13 percent of total workers. George Borjas of Harvard University conducted a study comparing wage trends between groups with different education and work experience. By comparing groups with a large proportion of immigrants to groups with few immigrants, he concluded that, between 1980 and 2000, immigration caused wages to be 3 percent lower than they would have been. For high school dropouts, wages were 8 percent lower. Critics of immigration use this to support their case. They overlook what Borjas reports about immigrants' affect on investment. Firms who use cheaper immigrant labor use that surplus to invest more, creating more jobs in the process. Adjusted for capital stock, overall wages are unaffected and the loss of wages for high school dropouts is only 5 percent. Gianmarco Ottaviano of the University of Bologna and Giovanni Peri of the University of California-Davis point out that these findings should be adjusted, further considering that immigrants and natives often work in different types of jobs.
Immigrants are often found doing construction, gardening and housework, while low-skilled natives often do logging and mining. Taking this into account, they conclude that immigrants' affect on the wages of high school dropouts is virtually nil.

From a national/Cultural point of view.

I won't say much on this, but one thing I will say is that God did not make nations, humans did. Recent science has shown that all humans originated in Africa. No group of people can claim to have ultimate inheritance of any piece of land. Of course there is a natural need for political jurisdiction of certain areas by local authorities, proper documentation of the ebb and flow of population, property rights, and all the other good stuff of civil society, but that does not give anybody the right to restrict the movement of others who are only looking to find a better life for their families.

In conclusion, I am entirly convinced that it is necessary for all of us to shift a paradigm however implicit, that views diversity as a weakness, a deviation from some kind of over-romanticized cultural or national identity. By reaching out to all people, no matter how different they might seem to us, we can create a unified world which is much greater than the sum of its parts.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

My experience in Chile

Chile is a beautiful, varied, and incredibly skinny place. It is dry in the North, Mediterranean in the middle, and cold tropical in the South. It always surprises me when I leave Albuquerque that things actually grow, food actually comes from somewhere.

Traveling to a foreign country, especially one where I don't speak the language, is always a lonely experience for me. I desperately want to communicate with these beautiful people that I see all around me, but cannot. It often forces me into an introspective state. Lucky for me, Sjona's family has embraced me as one of their own, and a beautiful family they are.

Sjona will be in Chile for another week and-a-half. I miss her intensely already. This will be the longest we have been apart as a married couple.


Sjona's home.

Just me and my mate.

Doing garden work, a job well done. At least that is how we are posing. Sjona's brother Naim is in the middle and her Sister Lena is on the left.

Very hard work!

Sjona and Naim getting the BBQ ready.

The road to Sjona's home.

Pomegranate seeds that were plucked and picked.




Lena is fraimed.

The pomegranate orchard we had free rein on.

Eating, mom and dad are in the middle right.


The view from the resort we were treated to for our anniversary. It is located in the South of Chile, near the Argentinean border.

The furry part of the family.

Sjona and the granada's

Harnessed and ready to go.

Another pic outside of the resort.

I left out the smooching one.


Flying through the trees!



A beautiful town in the South surrounded by three rivers.


Our secret family.

Just hanging on.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Conceptual Filters

Conceptual filters bother me. It bothers me when people view the world and the issues therein always from one ideological dogma. I am not saying that I am against having a common set of principles and beliefs, I definitely have them as a Baha'i. I just think that it is very important to understand things in a different way, with different assumptions, using a different balance of objective and subjective tools.

For example, it bothers me that their is a stark intellectual gulf between 'left' and 'right' thinking. I come from a background that would be considered very 'progressive', 'left', 'liberal', etc. Growing up, I always tackled information and ideas with a pre-established opinion, effectively filtering out any ideas that did not conform with that opinion. ideas coming from Michael Moore or Amy Goodmen types were considered almost scripture.

Then something happened and I started questioning some assumptions. I started looking deeper into ideas, gathering information from many different sources, and realizing that my whole view of the world was full of holes. I started reading between the lines and noticing that various ideological mediums that I held dear always left out certain facts in order to create a consistent narrative. It was kind of scary; I had always felt rather secure in the narrative of my beliefs.

I am a firm believer in the independent investigation of truth. It is a nice belief, because it means that I can question it, and hopefully not be a hypocrite. I don't just mean a lazy investigation of truth, but a vigorous one that temporarily sets aside any implicit biases and cultural perspectives that we have been raised with. One that draws us outside of ourselves, using many sources of information and perspective.

I am at the point now that I feel I don't need to maintain a consistent conceptual fabric of reality to be able to affect change. New information does not need to be put into a pre-set equation of understanding in my mind. I feel now that if I continue to expand and deepen my knowledge and spirit, any new situation and idea can be dealt with on its own terms, with perception based upon experience and reflection, but not ideology.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Reflections on Marriage

Sjona and I are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. As much as anything, it is a good time for us to reflect on how we have grown as a couple, and how we can still grow.

It is easy I think, in a marriage, to take the other person for granted, to become too comfortable with their acceptance and fall into the less inspired side of ourselves. It is too easy to be mean and hurtful with each other and not even realize it. It takes vigilance to always be thoughtful of the other person and continually regenerate loving feelings and gestures. No matter how much you think you know the other person and their capacity, it is important to always rediscover them and not limit them to what you think you know from the past; because both people are always growing.

Sjona continually surprises me. The more I know about her the harder she is too predict (in a good way). I am grateful that I have been given the chance to grow and develop with a beautiful soul in mutual love and respect.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Movie Review

Movie: The Last King of Scotland
Rating: 8/10

This movie is a character study of the Uganda dictator Idi Amin Dada, who's regime is estimated to have killed up to 300,000 Ugandan's during the 1970's. He is played by Forest Whitaker, who won the Acadamy Award for best actor for this role. His character is developed from the point of view of a young Scotish doctor, who is out for adventure and making a difference. He is lured in by Amin's charm and compelling personality, as well as a desire to assist the "new independent africa" (he would only find out later that the British facilitated the coup that put Amin in power) to become his personal doctor.

Not to give too much away...This movie is really interesting. Amin is a horribly complex character, one that was often highly likable, scary, powerfull, and vulnerable, all at once. Just like the doctor, the audience is unaware, or unwilling to admit, Amin's atrocities. We sympathise with Amin as a fatherly figure, both stern and incredibly loving. We resist the truth, and then it is too late, there is nowhere to go, we are trapped, unable to leave withought horrific damage to our psyche and body. I am glad I was only watching this movie, there are some scenes that are horrific. Yet it is not violent in the traditional sense with masses of people being mowed down in a genocide(ie Blood Diamonds).





Monday, April 23, 2007

Old Writings

Looking back at old photographs led me back into some old writings as well. This first one took me back a ways, back to high-school in Taos, back to my experimental, searching, intense days

Nov. 9 1999

Run Like Hell!
Running through the lights and feeling periodic flashes of human emotion. I ingest an acid that changes the wellness of my being. I laugh, relax, crawl through tunnels made by quick orgasmic achievements that feel ones body as a serpent. It then controls you, and leads you around like a puppet in search for a cause that is instilled into you. A cause that they want you to achieve, thus adding to their game to destroy you. As these thoughts pass through my head, I yearn to speak but my speech is slurred, and I see my sanity, I am taken into a snake pit and slithered around like a rag doll. My thoughts are eaten by hypnopaedic phrases that give warm sensations of security, as my eyes see blood I see a beautiful creature, my last chance for a life of eternity. Another chance of a sanity that can be achieved by draining myself of earthly desires, going to the mountains, feeling the ground and becoming a potential that is everything.

Sept. 13 2000

I see all of you through a limited vision, through a veil clouded with the dust of myself. My love is improving though-there have been times when I see every ray of light and I transcend relationship politic and become your ray of light. We are thrown in a mountainous sky to enjoy the vast deep blue mountains. Every current relativity is trivial and a drunken giggle comes out through an eternal euphoric smile. I love you, all of you, my tears stream down as each drop reflects your beautiful eyes.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Problem with Photographs



It is always interesting to look at old photographs of two years back, four years back, six years back. Kids are tinier, some people look the same, some people look surprisingly different. It is always easy to think; "Those were the days, now everything is different, now I'm old...".

The problem with photographs is that they most often don't reflect reality. Everybody always looks happy in photographs. We smile to project this ideal of happiness to a later date, it is our attempt at immortality. Often, we are really hurting inside, and yet we look happy, disturbed, yet we look blissful. These photos are an example. This was during my second year of college, I had just broken up with my first love over matters of Faith. I faced other almost debilitating mental and emotional challenges, some which directly related, some which seemed to be unrelated and come out of nowhere. I wanted so badly to be happy...and spiritually free, as in the Prayer:

...Assist him so that he may fly towards the apex of prosperity and salvation, wing his way with the utmost joy and happiness throughout the illuminable space, raise his melody in Thy supreme name in all the regions...

The more I wanted it, the more trapped I felt. I got to the point where I seriously felt that I was crazy, that I could no longer continue to function within society.

That is why it is interesting for me to look back at old pictures. Because I look so happy and I think; "Wow, those were good times, Things now seem pale in comparison." Then I realize that that was one of the worst years of my life, since then I have grown so much and have realized stability and progress in my spiritual journey. I have overcome so much.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Calm in the Storm

There are those days when I feel productive, there are those that are more stale and meaningless, there are also those that are filled with intense emotion, an unquenchable desire to extract meaning out of every atom, every pedal. There are those days where I feel a victom to my ego, both haughty and insecure. There are those days which are wrapt in prayer, serene, loving, sacraficing. There are those days which I feel so busy that I start feeling and thinking like a robot. Analytical, judging, separating, evaluating, producing....

Today is an interesting day. I am in the midst of finals, also in the midst of helping to launch an intensive program of growth, I constantly feel overwhelmed and busy. I am in a productive mode, yet I also feel incredibly sensitive to every emotion, especially those of awe, love, and tears. The objective flurry is becoming a captive of my subjective dreamscape, corny as it sounds...it is exciting. Walls are breaking down, probably to be rebuild at a later date, but maybe not. Assumptions are loosing there secure footing, I want to see everything in the now, as it really is. I am tired of proper perspective, I am tired of conceptual models, I am tired...and yet overjoyed...and exhausted.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Movie Review

Movie: Pan's Labyrinth
Director: Guillermo Del Toro
Rating 10/10

Simply put, this was one of the best movies I have seen for a long time. If you are familiar with other movies by this director (ex The Devils Backbone) , you will know that he likes to blend reality with supernatural portraits of the subconscious/archetypal/mystical elements of humanity.

It is hard to explain why this movie is so good. The setting is Spain in 1944 during the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. The outer plot consists of a war between some communist rebels and the troop of Captain Vidal, but serves only as a backdrop to the secret and magical world that is experienced by Ofelia, the stepdaughter of the Captain. This world compels her on a spiritual journey that must also protect her from the outer world.

I won't give too much away. Be warned, this is not a kids movie. There are scenes that are some of the most brutal and shocking that I have ever seen. The fantastical part of the movie serves to remind adults of the myths and fairytales that haunt and inform us underneath the surface of our lives.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Pictures

So I really just wanted to post some pictures. In other news ABQ is now an A Cluster. In Baha'i parlance that is EXCITING!!!!!!

Jemez RiverUndeveloped Hot Spring
Dinner!!!?
Jalal Studying his physics
My class on a field trip

Outside of our house
Sjonita with her flowers
Towards ABQ from our house

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Getting lost in code

So this semester I decided to take two different programming classes in two different languages, one in Java and one in VBA for ArcObjects. While I enjoy programming when I can get something to work, it sure can be a frustrating and outright horrible, uncompromising process. Below is a method in the Java language that I just finally got to work (after hours of pain!!!). It rotates any string ( group of characters) represented by msg by the offset amount entered by the user and captured in the first line. The hard part was that the offset could be positive or negative and also much longer than the string itself, in which case it has to wrap around and start again.

public static String strRotateRight ( String msg, int offset ) {
String rightRotate = "";
if ( msg == null)
return rightRotate;
if (msg.length() ==0)
return msg;

if (offset>0){
int newOffset = (offset - (offset/msg.length()*msg.length()));
for (int i = (msg.length()-newOffset); i
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}
for (int i = 0; i < (msg.length()-newOffset); i++){
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}

}else if (offset<0){
int newOffset = (offset/msg.length()*msg.length())-offset;
for (int i = newOffset; i
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);
}
for (int i = 0; i < newOffset; i++){
rightRotate+=msg.charAt(i);

}
}else{ rightRotate=msg;

}

return rightRotate;
}

Monday, March 19, 2007

Happy Birthday Love of My Life!!!!!!

Today is March 19. My wonderful, beautiful wife is now 24 years young. She is the most wonderful person to ever come into my life. I don't deserve somebody at her level. She is the one of the most passionate people I have ever met. She is also one of the most moral, just, and spirited people I have known. I hope anybody reading this has the opportunity to get to know such a wonderful gem in this world.

I love you Sjona!! Thank you for lighting up my life. Happy Birthday!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Heaven is a ski resort

yep.

Nothing like skiing on one of the best Mountains in the country to take the stress away.

I love Moguls!

Sjona has gotten SOOOO much better this year!!!

My embarrasing fall vid