Movie Review

Movie: The Last King of Scotland
Rating: 8/10

This movie is a character study of the Uganda dictator Idi Amin Dada, who's regime is estimated to have killed up to 300,000 Ugandan's during the 1970's. He is played by Forest Whitaker, who won the Acadamy Award for best actor for this role. His character is developed from the point of view of a young Scotish doctor, who is out for adventure and making a difference. He is lured in by Amin's charm and compelling personality, as well as a desire to assist the "new independent africa" (he would only find out later that the British facilitated the coup that put Amin in power) to become his personal doctor.

Not to give too much away...This movie is really interesting. Amin is a horribly complex character, one that was often highly likable, scary, powerfull, and vulnerable, all at once. Just like the doctor, the audience is unaware, or unwilling to admit, Amin's atrocities. We sympathise with Amin as a fatherly figure, both stern and incredibly loving. We resist the truth, and then it is too late, there is nowhere to go, we are trapped, unable to leave withought horrific damage to our psyche and body. I am glad I was only watching this movie, there are some scenes that are horrific. Yet it is not violent in the traditional sense with masses of people being mowed down in a genocide(ie Blood Diamonds).

Old Writings

Looking back at old photographs led me back into some old writings as well. This first one took me back a ways, back to high-school in Taos, back to my experimental, searching, intense days

Nov. 9 1999

Run Like Hell!
Running through the lights and feeling periodic flashes of human emotion. I ingest an acid that changes the wellness of my being. I laugh, relax, crawl through tunnels made by quick orgasmic achievements that feel ones body as a serpent. It then controls you, and leads you around like a puppet in search for a cause that is instilled into you. A cause that they want you to achieve, thus adding to their game to destroy you. As these thoughts pass through my head, I yearn to speak but my speech is slurred, and I see my sanity, I am taken into a snake pit and slithered around like a rag doll. My thoughts are eaten by hypnopaedic phrases that give warm sensations of security, as my eyes see blood I see a beautiful creature, my last chance for a life of eternity. Another chance of a sanity that can be achieved by draining myself of earthly desires, going to the mountains, feeling the ground and becoming a potential that is everything.

Sept. 13 2000

I see all of you through a limited vision, through a veil clouded with the dust of myself. My love is improving though-there have been times when I see every ray of light and I transcend relationship politic and become your ray of light. We are thrown in a mountainous sky to enjoy the vast deep blue mountains. Every current relativity is trivial and a drunken giggle comes out through an eternal euphoric smile. I love you, all of you, my tears stream down as each drop reflects your beautiful eyes.

The Problem with Photographs

It is always interesting to look at old photographs of two years back, four years back, six years back. Kids are tinier, some people look the same, some people look surprisingly different. It is always easy to think; "Those were the days, now everything is different, now I'm old...".

The problem with photographs is that they most often don't reflect reality. Everybody always looks happy in photographs. We smile to project this ideal of happiness to a later date, it is our attempt at immortality. Often, we are really hurting inside, and yet we look happy, disturbed, yet we look blissful. These photos are an example. This was during my second year of college, I had just broken up with my first love over matters of Faith. I faced other almost debilitating mental and emotional challenges, some which directly related, some which seemed to be unrelated and come out of nowhere. I wanted so badly to be happy...and spiritually free, as in the Prayer:

...Assist him so that he may fly towards the apex of prosperity and salvation, wing his way with the utmost joy and happiness throughout the illuminable space, raise his melody in Thy supreme name in all the regions...

The more I wanted it, the more trapped I felt. I got to the point where I seriously felt that I was crazy, that I could no longer continue to function within society.

That is why it is interesting for me to look back at old pictures. Because I look so happy and I think; "Wow, those were good times, Things now seem pale in comparison." Then I realize that that was one of the worst years of my life, since then I have grown so much and have realized stability and progress in my spiritual journey. I have overcome so much.

Calm in the Storm

There are those days when I feel productive, there are those that are more stale and meaningless, there are also those that are filled with intense emotion, an unquenchable desire to extract meaning out of every atom, every pedal. There are those days where I feel a victom to my ego, both haughty and insecure. There are those days which are wrapt in prayer, serene, loving, sacraficing. There are those days which I feel so busy that I start feeling and thinking like a robot. Analytical, judging, separating, evaluating, producing....

Today is an interesting day. I am in the midst of finals, also in the midst of helping to launch an intensive program of growth, I constantly feel overwhelmed and busy. I am in a productive mode, yet I also feel incredibly sensitive to every emotion, especially those of awe, love, and tears. The objective flurry is becoming a captive of my subjective dreamscape, corny as it sounds...it is exciting. Walls are breaking down, probably to be rebuild at a later date, but maybe not. Assumptions are loosing there secure footing, I want to see everything in the now, as it really is. I am tired of proper perspective, I am tired of conceptual models, I am tired...and yet overjoyed...and exhausted.

Movie Review

Movie: Pan's Labyrinth
Director: Guillermo Del Toro
Rating 10/10

Simply put, this was one of the best movies I have seen for a long time. If you are familiar with other movies by this director (ex The Devils Backbone) , you will know that he likes to blend reality with supernatural portraits of the subconscious/archetypal/mystical elements of humanity.

It is hard to explain why this movie is so good. The setting is Spain in 1944 during the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. The outer plot consists of a war between some communist rebels and the troop of Captain Vidal, but serves only as a backdrop to the secret and magical world that is experienced by Ofelia, the stepdaughter of the Captain. This world compels her on a spiritual journey that must also protect her from the outer world.

I won't give too much away. Be warned, this is not a kids movie. There are scenes that are some of the most brutal and shocking that I have ever seen. The fantastical part of the movie serves to remind adults of the myths and fairytales that haunt and inform us underneath the surface of our lives.